Wednesday, May 11, 2011

More Personal Stuff: What happened?

*sigh* This might become a very long blog, and if you're not up for it, I recommend not to read this one.
It does explain why I haven't been online much though.

The night before Queensday, friday April 29th, all was well. I just got home from work, and it was around 10 in the evening. We were looking forward to celebrating Queensday, and the new Large catalogue had just come in, so I was reading that one. The cats were having dinner, and we were relaxed and happy it was finally weekend.
Then we heard a strange sound, so we got up, to see what is was...
And then my heart was in my throat.
I'm going to describe what happened, because I need to get this off my chest. But it is quite horrible and that's why I'm going to put it into a quote. So if you don't want to read the details, just scroll past the quote.


We saw Greebo, one of our cats, panicking and trying to get up the stairs. Her behind legs seemed not to be working properly, but we didn't think much of it at the time, because we thought it was because of the panic.Sid grabbed her gently, and her mouth was working like she was choking. So we immediately thought, she was choking on her food. I stuck my finger down her throat, but couldn't really find anything. Sid even gave her mouth to mouth, because she kept making that choking movement.      It was over, so soon, so fast, I still can't believe it. Looking back on it, she might even already have been dead or halfway there when we tried to help her. I looked some stuff up, and she had all the symptoms of a heartattack. The legs not working, but also, when we got to her, her eyes were black and her tongue turned red/purple. She had also let go of all her bodily fluids. The movements, that at the time we thought was choking, were probably her, gasping for air, or maybe just spasms. It was so horrible to watch, to see her fighting for her life, and not being able to help. The image of her laying there, still haunts me, every time I close my eyes. I called the petambulance, but when I finally got them on the phone, she was already gone.

My dear Greebo, died of a heartattack. It was gruesome to watch, but it was over so incredible quick, that I can only think that she at least didn't have to suffer(long). She died in our arms within moments.
I still cant believe she's gone. I keep waiting for her to come down the stairs, to start talking to me like she always does. To give me kisses and to climb on my lap purring. But she's not going to do that anymore, because she's gone. Oh gawd, she's really gone...*sobs*
I haven't been able to come to terms with this, because I had to work all week. And I just couldn't allow myself to break down there. So now, here I am, at home, with finally some days off. And I can finally let it all go. I can barely see my keyboard through the tears, but I have to get this out. My bloodpressure has been way too high, and I've been on the verge of tears all week. I haven't been able to sleep properly, the night is way too quiet without hearing Greebo playing in the attic and hearing her meow while she was having fun with her toys. My appetite is gone, and nothing seems to be worth the energy anymore.

Some people might find this an overreaction, but they just don't understand. Greebo was my best friend, my first own pet, when I moved out of my parents house. She was always there for me, and loved me unconditionally. She was only 6 years old, never sick, never any indication at all that this would happen.My cats mean the world to me, and loosing one of them has been really really hard for us. Especially because it was so fast, without any preparation.
It just breaks my heart, thinking how she died. She must have been so scared, if she even realized what was happening, at least we were there with her.

Loki and Odin havent been theirselves either. They keep looking for Greebo, and they are extremely cuddly with us. They are finally becoming themselves again now, but we do notice, they act differently now.

And to make it all an even more emotional rollercoaster for me, 2 days later Sophie(my motherinlaws cat) delivered a nest of kittens. They were a week early, but they are all in perfect health. There were 3 kittens, a black one, a dark tabby and the strangest kitten we have ever seen: a golden kitten. My motherinlaw told us we could have one if we wanted to, considering what happened, even though all the kittens were already reserved. I didn't know how to feel about that, I didnt want to 'replace' Greebo, but kittens do give a lot of love and laughs, but I also felt guilty for taking one of the kittens from someone who was supposed to have 2. And then, the very next day, around midnight, another kitten appeared. The vet never heard of this, but as long as they were all well, it was nothing to worry about.
The golden kitty had a pink nose at birth, but after a few days, it started to turn black...just like Greebo's.
It was as if everything in the universe tried to point me to this little kitten, which was also a female(only one of the nest), like Greebo. I'm still not really sure how I feel about it, getting a new kitten so soon. But she is halfsister to Odin and Loki, she is a rare gold, where Greebo was a rare silver, and this will be the last time Sophie will have kittens.
So while I was trying to come to terms with Greebo's death, I also had to decide if we would take a new kitten into our home. It was really hard, but in the end, Sid's face with the kitten in his hands, was all it took.
Freya Greebo Goldilux, will be the new addition to our family at the end of june, she will be loved and cherished, but we will -never- forget our little Greebo.

On top of all that, last friday, my mom called to tell me their neighbour had died. I have known that man for almost 25 years. And I had always thought he would at least turn 110. He was 90 when he died, had been a widower for 14 years, and except for the last 2 months, had never been sick or needed medicine. He still lived alone in his own house, drove a car, and did everything people can only dream of at that age. He needed chemo since 2 months ago, and even that couldnt get him down, and he got home the day before queensday. Unfortunately he had an infection somewhere else and needed to get back to the hospital. He had a bleeding in his brain, which turned him blind, and still he remained positve ''At least I'll still be able to listen to music''. Unfortunately, he had another bleeding, and he died in the night of thursday to friday. I'm sad, that he died in the hopsital and not at his own home. But I'm glad that he had such a long, healthy and great life. I have never seen him anything but smiling, and I'm really glad to have known him. Even though I live far away now, I will still miss him.

So yeah, lots has happened lately, and I feel like an emotional wreck. I have a few days off now, and I'm going to use them to let it all out, and to become myself again.
I'll be back to blogging about makeup next week, I promiss.

13 comments:

  1. BIG HUGE HUGS, I seriously couldn't help but cry ): I'm so sorry for your loss - I lost my 14yr old cat last year (as well as my guinea pig last Easter and my hermit crabs both this year) and I was with her when she was dying and the way cats die is terrible. I wasn't consoled even though the vet said she went peacefully, to me it was terrible hearing her. So I understand how tormented you would have been and I send you a lot of love and hugs, it is terrible losing a member of the family ):

    FGG sounds like a miracle, I hope she will bring a lot of love and happiness for you all (: Animals are so wonderful but they hurt you the most in a way humans never will.

    I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through even more turmoil, I hope you get lots of rest and love. Take care and don't fret about blogging.
    xoxxxxx

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  2. Oh wauw, ik zit hier toch even met de traantjes in mijn ogen. Wat een emoties heb je meegemaakt... sterkte!

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  3. Pff, ik zit hier nu ook te janken. Ik heb sinds een jaar ook twee katjes en ik mis ze altijd zo erg als ik van huis ben. Ik zie helemaal voor me hoe het gebeurde met Greebo.. zo niet fijn :( Ook belachelijk dat we een dierenambulance hebben die NOOIT bereikbaar is en NOOIT komt.
    Goed, het betere nieuws is nu wel dat je een nieuwe kitten gaat krijgen. En die zal Greebo niet vervangen, maar je hartje wel weer vullen met liefde. En dat is wat je op dit moment nodig hebt. De naam is trouwens echt geweldig, Goldilux. Mwihi.
    Sterkte, you can do this.

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  4. Heel veel sterkte. Ik kan me het dubbele gevoel goed voorstellen. <3

    Knuffels!

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  5. omg dit maakt me echt zo extreem verdrietig.. ik vind het echt zo erg om te horen want ik kan me super goed voorstellen hoe erg dat is als catlover zijnde..

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  6. Jeetje meid... zit met tranen in mn ogen te lezen.. heel erg veel sterkte!!!!

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  7. I have tears in my eyes after reading this. I can't really understand what u have been thru but I do have sum idea since I own a cat too and her three kittens died last year:(...SO yeah I know how it feels to lose sumone u adore so much. hope u get thru all this, stay strong! XOXO

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  8. You have my sympathies. I have 4 cats and have never had one die in my home before. My first cat was stolen so I couldn't be with him when his day came. I'm scared of the day it happens to my fur babies.
    I wish the best of health to Odin, Loki, and Freyja.

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  9. Ik begrijp echt wat je bedoelt, ik ben zelf ook opgegroeid met veel poezen en zou zeker niet willen dat hun iets overkomt.
    Het is in ieder geval al wel iets dat ze toch jullie nog gehad heeft op het laatste, en dat ze niet alleen was op het einde.
    Nog veel stertke!

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  10. Damn that's a lot!

    Wat erg van je kat, ik kan me zo goed voorstellen hoe veel pijn en verdriet het geeft om je geliefde dier te moeten missen. Ik heb afscheid moeten nemen van meerdere dieren en heb nu een eigen kat en moet er niet aan denken om die te missen.

    Ik wens je heel veel sterkte met je verlies en heel veel geluk met je nieuwe kitten.

    Zo positief als je er uitziet (ik heb je wel eens in de buurt zien lopen! en ook je foto's geven die indruk) heb je dat geluk ook wel verdient!

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  11. Hey bah das allemaal niet tof wat er is gebeurd!
    Ik hoop dat je je snel wat beter voelt en veel plezier met jullie nieuwe kitten :)

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  12. It is so terrible to lose a pet! I'm a pretty new reader, so I don't know you very well, but this really made me want reach out to you to say how sorry I am and to try and offer some comfort.
    Our very first rat passed away at the end of March and we still miss her so much. Losing her helped me to understand that pets can feel how loved they are and I think that our love helps them to get the most out of their lives.
    Greebo was very lucky to have you, as you were to have her in your life. Loving this new kitten won't diminish the love you gave Greebo! She will settle into a different place of your heart and will bring joy back into your home.
    Don't feel bad about grieving. It is natural when you lose a part of your family. Please don't let anyone tell you that it is silly or wrong. You are very brave to write your misfortunes here and I really hope that everyone's sympathy can help you get through this difficult time.

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  13. Oh wat vreselijk! Voor jou om dat te zien maar ook voor je katje natuurlijk. Sterkte gewenst!

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